Magoo’s book of wisdom

My buddy Magoo and I took a break along the beach one beautiful sunset. Our mission was laughter as self-anointed beachside or armchair “know it all” procrastinators.

We wanted nothing but humor. A well-deserved break is in order after more than a decade of the thematic word “stagnant”—you know, paychecks that have been fossilized since recent past.

Snorkel v. dives: Freshman Sen. Sixto Igisomar is likely to change from snorkeling to diving in an all out effort to recover the Marianas black box (NMI coffers) downstairs. Snorkeling is now secondary—near surface patrol—to detect pennies from 300 feet up that may be buried in the sand.

Is the NMI black box equipped with communications technology we could use to determine how we took such vicious swerve into fiscal impotence or bankruptcy? He would also use oxygen tanks so he could do underwater feasibility study on the various uses of marijuana! It’s all dedicated attempts to revive revenue generation amidst the global economic slowdown! Biba!

Governor Gym: Impeached former governor Benigno R. Fitial wanted to establish a legacy as the education chief. Instead, he built a gymnasium on private land when there are hectares of public land nearby. I publicly call on OPA for an audit of this decision.

We deserve to know the scheme or entire nine yards and the reasons for skipping public land. PSS board chair Junpan promises to accept the facility if Fitial beats him to a one-on-one basketball game, provided Fitial doesn’t use his wheelchair. Junpan fears being run over by the two-wheeler.

Restroom skit: Magoo said we should steer clear of cleaning them because Rep. Leepan has claimed ownership of it. “He’s going to clean all public restrooms and now threatens to pick up trash all over the island.” Sounds good but what about his primary role as a policymaker?

Tropical dementia: A shrink has been retained to meet individually with all elected officials. The goal is to pin down whether there’s what a certain doctor calls “tropical dementia,” a form of dementia that is only found in the tropics.

Magoo thinks the illness is endemic—meaning it only exists here—therefore it isn’t pandemic. “Yep! Must talk to these guys who conveniently skip significant issues in glaring disconnection.” He said he finds it embarrassing. I told him I’m already a regular in my crab hole.

Teleprompter: Delegate Kilili announced he likes Obama’s redundant policy proposals. He’s agreed to haul the teleprompter around so Obama doesn’t tell another Yearend Lie. Mr. O allowed a Dr. Gruber to fool folks about his signature healthcare law that most find woefully expensive. He doubled down with a huge lie, you know, you can keep your doctor and health insurance plans we can’t keep? Mr. O has built and would leave a legacy of lies! He should join the “tropical dementia” cabal here.

Serious illness: A good number of our people die of Type II diabetes or after bouts with dialysis, heart disease and cancer. Resolve: Find out how Chinese live longer than most people the world over. Follow their diet daily and we should be relatively healthy in our sunset years.

Test scores: NMC and PSS must have been meeting to resolve the anomalous result of test scores at the former where 90 percent of first-year students flunk the entrance exam. PSS declares, “We went teach ’em and you went flunk ’em.” Both institutions must teach kids critical thinking, you know, “Thinking about your thinking, while you’re thinking, in order to improve your thinking?” Magoo prefers declaring, “I’m not thinking anymore!”

Esta: It’s a word that means “okay” we will abide. It’s a word now under full rehearsal by the guys and gals in both the administration and the Legislature. It’s a preparatory response to likely orders by the federal court that the NMI finds the money to pay CUC, Settlement Fund, EPA, etc. I could hear it in quick succession, “esta, esta, esta.” Then the guys and gals would tuck their tails between their legs when exiting the federal court. Pay or play at the monkey house in Susupe.

2016 contest: The national Republicans have seen a long shopping list of presidential prospects or about nine of them today. It must necessarily work up a set of rules to accommodate the generational and ideological differences among the young and old warriors. No easy task for the GOP as it keeps an eye on the other side of likely contenders. Hell, bring ’em here so we teach them how to secure 10 silvers for utility vouchers that seals the election a day in advance!