Cyber Monday Kim

We had our Singles Day in China 11.11.14, once the source of parents’ anxiety over the connubial mate of their sole child, normally child-bearing for the girl at 18 and arriving at spinsters-dom if still single after 27 years. Diminutive Jack Ma of the super Alibaba Internet punch turned the day into a big shopping day when he decided that connectivity was the future of China and the world. For that, he is racking moolah of Himalayan piles in Wall Street.

A big shopping day in America began on Thanksgiving Day sale, through Black Friday, Turkey weekend, and then Cyber Monday. This crowning month of commercial promos complete with baby in the manger around winter solstice, the shepherds watching in the fields by night, will see consumers march on malls and hack cyber halls to the little drummer’s boy tune, pa ram pum pum pum, until the Three Wise Men show up from the East. The shop-’til-you-drop habit is alive and well in America (save on Cyber Monday, when you do so in the comfort of your keyboard). It may not be a productive day for the offices but it is a busy day!

Meanwhile, the “rule of law” might be enshrined in the United Nation’s Human Rights Declaration followed by democratic governments who have constitutional processes in place, but the six-week shopping season from T-Day to 3-Wisemen-Day is no longer just a function of the law of supply and demand, of satisfying an obvious need, as it is a crass manipulation of the Chamber of Commerce network around the world. The corporate effort is supreme.

When Corporations Rule the World was on the New York Times bestseller list, but its truth did not hit us until we read that TransCanada of Calgary, known for the tar sands of Alberta, has been awarded an environmentalist citation for having accurate accessible data on its operations’ carbon emissions. Duh. That’s just like saying that there are redemptive virtues in being a Nazi! There are?

Anyway, we got Cyber Monday rigged by corporations for shopping, so now, the Kim? Well, this is not another article on Kim Yong-un of Chiao Tian (NoKor). Only a few hours from Shenyang to Dandong on the eastern side of the Yalu River, Hanggul (SoKor) won’t let us miss its snickers each time our rotund neighbor coughs and sneezes while walking with a limp on a cane, and brushes his distinctive haircut as balloons on the southern side of Panmunjom drops propaganda materials claiming his wife’s sexual indiscretion before marriage; also, rains thousands of U.S. dollar singles. I do not know what the U.S. bills are for other than confirm who really rules the peninsula!

The Kim in our title is our recent acquaintance among the Kardashians.

Leave it to Greek Orthodox Arianna Stasinopoúlou Huffington of Sephardic lineage to titillate our fancy. Huff Post, her cyber magazine, covers the gamut of the sublime and the ridiculous. Kim K’s photo shoot with papermag.com came as news in a coverage (or absence thereof) where the mama of Kanye West’s North West bared it all without any signs of blemish from child delivery. Claimed to have been Photoshopped, Kim K grabbed our testosterone by the balls nonetheless!

The comedian Tina Fey in her NYTimes 2011 bestseller Bossy Pants said of Kim K in a characterization that is making cyberspace rounds to conform to the papermag.com photo shoot: “Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.” Funny. It is physiologically on target!

Add J. Lo’s unapologetic spread and protrusion of her butt and Beyoncé’s prominent elephant legs, and we shift the female form from the anemic looking damsels of the catwalk to confident full-bodied presence hurled into our face, like it or not.

Prominent in the photo shoot, in addition to Kim K’s frontal view, is her gleaming oiled butt. Now, “butt” was not a respectable word when I was a budding anglophile, finessing my English in the U.S. South where I went to school along displays of the swinging ass not in short supply, confirmed later in the Blue Mountains of Kingston’s Caribbean dance halls. KK offering her butt shot to #BreaktheInternet didn’t, but it was sporting. It also put “butt” on the level of acceptability and common use.

Kim K claimed her frontal view gave her self-confidence. Well, now, the next time I am parked in front of the JP Center on Beach Road by Gualo Rai, and some of the fairer sex wish to know how to boost their self-confidence, I shan’t hesitate to tutor the full range of the Kim K method. It is only the fair thing to pedagogically do. Click. Click. Click.