Simply absurd

Over a breakfast of one egg over easy on top of a slice of ham and cheese on an English muffin, hash brown potatoes fried in butter (not oil), a ripe mango from the front yard tree, a large glass of ice water, and two cups of hot coffee, I offer this for your digestion.

Vince McMahon, arguably the smartest man in sports entertainment business, challenged Stan Kroenke to a fight inside a steel-cage. Vince is 64. Stan is 62.

Of course it’s a joke but then what is the WWE if not a joke?

The brouhaha broke because the Pepsi Center booked WWE on the same night the Denver Nuggets will play Game 4 in the Western Conference Finals. Since Kroenke owns both the Pepsi Center and Nuggets, the decision was easy. WWE loses.

“Even though the Denver Nuggets had a strong team this year and were projected to make the playoffs, obviously Nuggets and Pepsi Center owner Stan Kroenke did not have enough faith in his own team to hold the May 25th date for a potential playoff game,” said McMahon who had booked it since August last year.

McMahon will exploit this to his financial advantage by riding a wave of free publicity and creating new marketing opportunities. Now he’s rooting for the Lakers. And they will probably win too because Vince is Big Winner.

Will the wrestling icon now wear a Kobe Bryant jersey?

Will he come up with more verbal daggers like this one: “Quite frankly, it’s my view that Stan Kroenke should be arrested, should be arrested for impersonating a good businessman, because he’s not a good businessman,”

McMahon is now taking Monday Night Raw to LA Staples Center. Part of the show will feature a five-on-five Lakers vs. Nuggets “exhibition.” Someone will play Kroenke who will go against and lose to McMahon.

In that vein of comical absurdity, here’s an entirely fictitious account with a local slant:

SAIPAN, Northern Mariana Islands—Oct. 10, 2009

Northern Marianas Amateur Sports Association president Mike White challenged Gov. Ben Fitial to a no-holds barred fight inside the octagon cage at the World Resort under the auspices of Trench Tech.

“We had our women’s badminton championship scheduled for that night at the Ada Gym. Now the Governor wants the Ada Gym for the Special Olympics,” White griped.

Fitial countered, “It’s not that I wanted to discriminate against—what’s that sport called again?—but the Special Olympics are special.”

Even an accomplished attorney like White could hardly argue that. “Well, female badminton players are special too, but I guess they aren’t really, you know, special.” White then challenged the executive branch leader to a mixed martial arts match to settle their differences.

Jason Tarkong has agreed to be the ring official. Cuki Alvarez is in charge of selling tickets. Fitial said Charles Reyes would issue a press release to announce his decision.

Tickets on sale now. All proceeds go to the author of this column.

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