LA blue

According to my cheap calculator, Manny Ramirez paid $7,716,049 for his mistake. Or you could call it priceless.

Getting nailed for using a women’s fertility drug is an eye-popper, right up there with Marv Albert getting caught wearing women’s underwear with a woman. Neither of those acts was illegal. Ramirez had a doctor’s prescription. Marv’s problem was that he also bit and assaulted the woman. Ramirez only assaulted the sensibility of the Dodgers ownership who gave him 25 million reasons to have a good season. Now he has a two-month vacation in the middle of the season.

Both Manny and Marv became the butt of jokes if not the butt themselves, assuming that’s where ManRam got his booster shots.

Now that erectile dysfunction no longer is something to be ashamed of (cough, cough), that is one legitimate explanation why Manny needed gonadotropin, specifically HCG. At least, that’s what the doctor said. Why not Viagra or Cialis? Those drugs are not banned by MLB. Maybe he didn’t get the memo.

If Raphael Palmeiro had stuck to Viagra instead of steroids, he would still have his good reputation.

For the record, the substance that Ramirez got suspended for was banned by MLB last season but has been outlawed by other sports organizations since 1987.

Apparently Manny was running low on testosterone which just so happens is depleted by steroid use, and low testosterone can cause erectile dysfunction.

Gonadotropin is occasionally prescribed for men whose testicles have basically stopped functioning. That’s what happens in men with a history of steroid use.

Ramirez admitted to having taken the substance, declined to appeal and is serving his 50-game suspension like, huh, a man(ny).

Ramirez might bring legal action against the physician. An MLB official said that if Ramirez had a legitimate need for a drug on the banned list, he could have applied for a therapeutic exemption. Ramirez, the official said, did not ask for one.

If HCG rings a bell, perhaps you remember that from when admitted steroid user Jose Canseco was caught attempting to smuggle it into the U.S. from Mexico.

True, Manny passed drug tests before. So did Barry Bonds. The guys who design designer drugs such as human growth hormone are usually one step ahead of those who are trying to catch them.

After going from Boston to Los Angeles, Manny received a hero’s welcome. I never heard of any going-away parties in Beantown for the man who once punched a teammate and missed a game with no explanation.

This season one of the hot items sold in Dodger Stadium was the Manny caps with attached dreadlocks. Perhaps Manny has seen them on television since he hasn’t been seen at ballpark since the suspension.

As of this writing, he has not yet apologized to his teammates and is secluded in self-imposed exile.

The Dodgers after a great start, thanks in part to Manny, are now in a tailspin which brings up this old joke.

“What was he thinking?”

“He wasn’t.

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