Piling on

In my last column, I celebrated the spirit of Thanksgiving Day with kudos aplenty spread to deserving souls and institutions. Well, the turkey is all gone now and it’s time to give out a big mug of no thanks.

For the record, I am a lifelong diehard sports fan who will get up at three in the morning to watch a Gators football game. I didn’t have to get up at that early last Sunday because the Florida vs. Florida State game started at the more civilized time of 6:30am on the ABC feed off the satellite.

Waking up at 6:15 the morning of the game, no need of an alarm clock, I immediately turned on Channel 7 which has the rights to ABC programming and where I expected to see both team’s biggest game of the season, which of course made it that way for me too. Excitedly, I saw the computer graphic listing a live game to be announced and assumed that had to be the Gators/Noles as it was listed on the satellite schedule.

But then I remembered that the week before, the Oklahoma/Texas Tech game never came on live, instead we got a washed-out rolling-line week-old replay of Penn St. that would have given me a headache if I watched more than 20 seconds which I didn’t.

And I couldn’t watch The Game I looked forward to all week on the internet either because the download speed was too slow. Double dang.

Internet radio once again came to the rescue. I had Alabama vs. Auburn video on Channel 42 with audio from the Florida radio broadcast with Mick “Oh. My!” Hubert. After hearing a Gator touchdown (there were plenty), CBS would break in the Bama game to show a Florida highlight. So I knew they had all-white uniforms. Hey, in the age of information, every little bit helps.

Football fans like me live week to week and hopefully ABC-7 will show all national ABC games in the future since they can if they want to. Or let MCV show them. Yes, it’s that simple.

As a seasoned Saipan and Micronesia resident, I am used to boondoggles. Back in the bad ol’ days of Saipan Cable TV, before we got live sports, I remember one Super Bowl Monday, I had successfully isolated myself from all TV, radio and people just so I could watch the tape delay that night without knowing who won. That evening I sat stoked to see the game on the tape they had flown from Guam. The first thing they showed was the final score. They forgot to rewind the tape.

The Darwin Award is given to those who “do a service to humanity by removing themselves from the gene pool.” Plaxico Burress did not kill himself and so technically does not qualify. But by shooting himself in the leg, he did kill his $35-million contract and should earn some kind of award for incredible stupidity.

And then there is the strange case of Stephon “The Moron” Marbury. Some people would sever their own flesh to play in the NBA. He refuses to play. That cost him $400K right there, and counting.

Finally, there is a good reason why BCS rhymes with mess. The voters got it right by putting Texas ahead of Oklahoma because Texas beat Oklahoma on a neutral field but then the computers somehow put the Sooners over the Horns. I think Plaxico Burress should shoot the computers.

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