Rue the darkness

The on-again, off-again schemes for CUC privatization are like trying to re-shoe a horse that has already died. And even the village idiot knows that even when it was kicking, CUC was so crippled by corruption that it couldn’t limp toward a clean deal under any circumstances.

I’m not a Johnny-come-lately on this note: In this space I told you, back in 1988 or so, that CUC is so crooked that at least one important U.S. energy executive refused to even read the CUC’s RFPs. I still remember, verbatim, her quote: “Too corrupt. Not bankable.”

That’s what we call plain speakin’ where I come from. But few in the CNMI listened, of course. The odds of the local government-electorate (same thing, aren’t they?) correcting itself over some quaint notion of fiduciary ethics are roughly the same as me refusing a romantic dinner date with the world’s reigning heartthrob, Miss Tila Tequila.

Which is to say: Ain’t gonna happen.

If you’d like more plain speakin’, here we go. If you’re sick of sitting around in the dark, the one, and the only, way to get a reasonable standard of electric service is to somehow get the feds to take over CUC. Perhaps they, in turn, could have it privatized, but that would be up to them.

There are no other realistic solutions. None.

Now, don’t ask me about how that would work legally or politically; maybe in those realms such an idea couldn’t be pulled off. And, in that case, the Commonwealth will just have to get used to sitting around in the dark, while trying to see if it can make Mobil (the fuel supplier) the fall guy.

Oh, here’s a thought: Who just bailed Saipan’s airport out of its energy woes? The feds. Of course.

Barring some miraculous federal takeover of CUC, the electricity situation is likely going to get even worse, and therefore cause an exodus of a big chunk of what remains of the business community.

I don’t claim to know about all the political angles and issues in the Commonwealth, just as I don’t claim to know about politics anywhere. I’ve never even voted in my entire life. So, maybe there are political reasons that the CNMI’s business community would object to a federal takeover of CUC. Fair enough. I’m just not savvy about political issues.

But as far as energy goes, well, I am savvy. I’ve been a financial analyst in the industry, for, I will note, one of the world’s most advanced and progressive green energy companies (which is now owned by General Electric).

Anyway, take my word for it: For the CUC, chanting “privatization” as some sort of sacred incantation is not going to solve things. If you think it will, I’ve got one word for you: Enron.

It’s your necks, dear business community. You’re really the ones paying for this fiasco. And you’re the ones who will pay if CUC is allowed to cook up some crooked privatization conspiracy that will steer money into the usual pockets, while blowing a smoke screen to cover its tracks.

Although I may not agree with every nuance of federal wage and immigration policy, the fact remains that the federal government is, overall, competent and honest. Those just happen to be the two characteristics that are lacking from the CUC’s reputation; and, believe me, it does have a reputation.

So, to the readers of this column, particularly you in the business community, I’d like your feedback on this. Is there something I’m missing? I’m not asking you this so I can feign innocence and then ambush you with an argument; I’m genuinely wondering why we can’t ask the feds to take over CUC.

Sure, maybe the feds would not do it, even if we asked. But, well, why can’t we ask?