Brushes with death

An incident occurred this week to help us refocus what is really important and to adjust our priorities. Our daughter, Chantelle, and her husband, Jari, decided to take a vacation this summer and let us spend three weeks of quality time with our granddaughter, Leila.

Their first stop is in the Philippines, and then they’ll visit Thailand and other countries. While they’ve been gone, we have heard from them by e-mail about every day. However, we were concerned when we did not hear from them last Saturday and Sunday, especially when we learned that Typhoon Frank was ravaging the Philippines.

On Monday, Chantelle called to let us know they were okay. They had taken a super ferry from Manila to Cebu. The trip is normally 25 hours, but the typhoon had caused the captain to seek refuge in a small circle of islands that helped diffuse the waves, and they were delayed for an additional 30 hours. While they were stranded, they learned about the fate of another ferry that had also left from Manila for Cebu just two hours after theirs.

The Princess of the Stars ferry officially listed 626 passengers, and 121 crewmembers onboard, but local reports have the total as high as 845, including 50 children. The massive waves caused by Typhoon Frank’s 120 miles per hour winds capsized the ferry near Sibuyan Island. Some passengers were able to don life jackets and jump overboard into the turbulent waters on Saturday. Life rafts offered no protection as the strong winds flipped them over. Only 38 survivors were reported as of Monday, but an additional 66 survivors were recently found in a state of shock along the shorelines of Masbate.

It’s humbling to think that if our kids had taken the ferry two hours later, they could have been numbered among the missing passengers. We feel for those who have family or friends that were onboard the capsized ferry, and can imagine their devastation. You may have experienced the premature loss of a loved one from an accident, natural disaster, war, or violent crime. Brushes with death help us remember what life is really about.

In our workshops, we encourage participants to recognize the underlying values that direct their thinking, attitudes, and behaviors. Whether you consciously realize it, everything you do is consistent and aligned with your core values. Even though you may tell the world that you have certain values, it is what you think, do, and say that truly reveals what is most important to you.

One exercise we conduct with workshop attendees is the “I-beam” test. Imagine you are on the top of one of two very high buildings (on Saipan we use the Hafa Adai Hotel building). Between the buildings is a long, 50-foot I-beam; named because it looks like an “I” when viewed from the end. You see another individual on top of the other building holding a large bag, and she tells you that if you cross the I-beam, she’ll give you the bag that contains one million dollars. You quickly evaluate the risk of falling to your death or the possibility of earning a sizable reward before making your decision.

When asked how many would walk across the I-beam, there will be several that raise their hands, while the majority feels it is not worth the hazard. The scenario changes and there is a strong wind that is blowing with gusts of 30mph. In addition, it has started to drizzle and the metal of the I-beam has become a little slippery. How many of you would cross the I-beam under those circumstances? We’ll occasionally have one or two raise their hand, but the others consider it an act of foolishness.

The situation changes now, and the lady opens the bag to reveal, not one million dollars, but a young child. Picture your child or a child you dearly love. She grabs and holds the struggling child over the edge of the building and yells that if you do not cross the I-beam in less than two minutes, she’ll drop the child. Would you cross? Would you even hesitate?

When we ask how many would now cross the I-beam in our workshops, usually all of the hands go up. What has changed? Money is not valued over most people’s lives, but they would not hesitate to risk their life to save the life of a loved one. During the harrowing experience aboard the Princess of the Stars ferry, we doubt that the passengers’ last thoughts were focused on their house, car, investments, or other worldly possessions.

In life’s circumstances it is sometimes easy to let our values slip so that “things” become more important than people. Brushes with death often act to realign our values so that relationships with family, friends, or Deity are valued higher than those things that are temporal in nature.