Mismanagement

No, this isn’t another article about CUC, local politics, or any local organization. With all the serious matters confronting us in the CNMI, we decided to take a break by sharing humorous examples at other places and companies. By realizing that we have not cornered the market on poor policies and practices, it might—in some distorted sense—make us feel that our reality is relatively sane.

Some of these quotes come from a “Dilbert Quotes” contest, where people submitted actual quotes of their managers. In case you’re not aware, Dilbert is a comic strip that uses office situations to extract humorous situations. If you feel these quotes are all-to-typical of your work environment, we offer our condolences.

If you are challenged by the problems that beset your organization, you might take a page from a manager at Lykes Lines Shipping who was trying to get staff to brainstorm with him by asking: “What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.”

Microsoft, is the behemoth computer company that started with the modest mission of a computer on every desktop (preferably with the Microsoft logo attached). To give you an insight into the genius that lurks within the walls of Redmond, Washington corporation, this was a winning quote attributed to Fred Dales: “As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.”

In many companies, the Internet has become a necessary tool, as well as a time waster for people who spend an inordinate amount of time surfing the web or emailing lame jokes to co-workers. An account manager at Electric Boat Company made this insightful comment that you may want to use within your own organization: “ E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.”

Managing projects has become a science that allows companies to get much more accomplished. This quote from an advertising and marketing manager at United Parcel Service offers keen insight into the nuances of project management: “This project is so important we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it.”

You’ve probably heard the quote: There’s never enough time to do it right, but always enough time to do it over. Well, a plant manager at Delco Corporation has tried to avoid that situation by coming up with this brilliant advice: “Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.”

For those rare situations when an employee performs spectacularly, there is often an inversely spectacular manager who feels challenged by the subordinate’s accomplishments. This must have been the case for a research and development supervisor at 3M Corporation who offered these words of wisdom to an underling: “No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them.”

Teamwork is hailed by many managers as the way to involve people and get the best performance from them. You might have heard the saying that there is no “I” in “teamwork; however, a marketing executive at Citrix Corporation has made the rare discovery of an “I” in teamwork, with this quote: “ Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.”

One major sore spot in companies that are mismanaged is their lack of communication with staff. Therefore, you would expect a telecommunication’s switching supervisor at Sprint Long Lines Division, to have a grip on the importance of communication in the workplace. Such is not the case, as evidenced by this quote: “We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.”

Some managers believe that communication means that when they say “jump”, you respond with “how high, sir.” This seems to be the case with a new business manager at Hallmark Greeting Cards, when he asked an underling to submit a status report to him concerning a project. When the subordinated asked if the report could be given tomorrow, the manager replied, “If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!”

If you have had similar experiences with your own Mr. or Ms. Manager, then you may have grimaced at some of the examples because they were too close to home. However, if your boss has not made similar comments, you might find comfort that you’re not suffering as much as other people who labor under mismanagement.
[I] Rik is a business instructor at NMC and Janel is a partner with BizResults, LLC (www.bizresults.org). They can be contacted at biz_results@yahoo.com.[/I]