Advocates come together to fight domestic violence

Nationally, one in four women experience domestic violence in her lifetime. Yet despite the alarming number, it remains hidden. Victims suffer silently and in the one place they should feel safe and secure, their home, they experience fear, isolation, shame and doubt, making it extremely difficult to seek help.

Violence often occurs behind closed doors. However, the impact of this crime is felt throughout the home, village, and island. It ripples out to the community at large, touching everyone, regardless of socioeconomic status, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, faith, ability, educational background or age.

Malyssa Castro, an inspirational speaker at the domestic violence awareness proclamation signing yesterday at the Pedro P. Tenorio Multi-Purpose Center, recalled for the audience a time in her life when she struggled with domestic violence.

“My dad use to say to my brothers and me, ‘No man should ever lay his hands on a woman.’ My mom said to me, ‘Any man who hurts a woman by putting his hands on her or putting her down is not worth my time,” Castro said.

Yet 12 years ago, at the tender age of 14, she started dating a guy she had known since she was 6, who would later turn her life upside down. “I wi
ll call him JR,” Castro said. At the time, he was 16 years old.

For the first couple of months, Castro and JR had fun, “loving, and full of new adventures.”

“We couldn’t get enough of each other. We talked on the phone every day. We would meet up after school just to hang out and talk. Then summer came along and I left off island to visit family for a few weeks. At the time I owned a pager. I gave JR my password so that we can communicate through voicemail. We only spoke on the phone once a day,” Castro said.

One time, Castro received a message from a male friend. JR later called and asked how her day was and if she had anything to tell him. “I said no,” Castro said. JR yelled, “Don’t lie to me! Who was that guy who left you a message? Are you cheating on me?” Only two months into their relationship, yet the signs were already there.

Castro said she never cheated on him yet she still begged him to forgive her. She said she should have taken that as a sign when he forgave her and instructed her to call him every time she leaves the house.

Also, every time JR would get angry with her, he would grab her violently and leave bruises on her arms. Castro shrugged it off because “there was no blood.”

“In December, a big typhoon hit and left us with no power, no water, no gas, and minimal food. A few days before Christmas, my parents decided it was better for me to move to the neighboring island so that I can start school again. Because the phone lines were down and pagers weren’t working, I left without telling him,” Castro said.

As she tried to maintain a long distance relationship with JR, he happened to meet one of her male classmate. An argument between her and JR ensued, causing JR to choke Castro to within an inch of her life. She said she blacked out and woke up on the couch. JR said sorry and swayed her with his words, saying it won’t happen again.

Castro said she should have told her parents but she loved him. He would call her names and say that her family doesn’t love her, but she knew better. Graduation came and she thought their relationship would grow. She was wrong.

“This was the first time we were physically together,” Castro said. JR told her to stop hanging out with her friends. A year later, she gave birth to their first child, a girl. And the abuse has escalated to at least “four times a week.”

Two years later, she had twin boys; JR would still constantly batter her. “In one incident, he punched my back, pinched my arm, and punched my head until I went unconscious. I woke up the next morning with a horrible headache, a black eye and a huge bruise on the back of my arm,” Castro said.

She said she loved him and that she couldn’t leave him because he was the father of her children. She also feared fleeing because she was afraid he would hurt her and her family.

Finally, during an argument about their daughter, Castro screwed up the courage to walk out of the relationship.

“Four years later and I am happy to say that I am at the highest point of my life. I’m in college, I have a full-time job that I love, my children are happy and healthy but best of all I am finally free. Free from abuse,” Castro said.

Advocates who heard Castro stories praised her for her speaking out and letting everyone know what domestic violence really is.

Superior Court Associate Judge Kenneth Govendo said that Castro’s story hit home and that there are 250 domestic violence cases in the CNMI every year.

Gov. Eloy S. Inos said Castro’s experience still happens to many others in the community and they also need to speak out so they could break free.

Proclamation
Inos declared October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, with the theme “Rise for Peace. Be that change.”

As part of yesterday’s events, Lauri Ogumoro, manager of Guam Esperansa, was awarded the “Bridge of Light Award,” which is presented to those who advocate an end to violence.

Ogumoro was presented with a plaque, cash from the Northern Marianas Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Violence, and a self-care package from the Tan Siu Lin Foundation that includes a one-night stay for two at Kanoa Resort, a gift certificate to Nami Bar at Kanoa Resort, lunch buffet for two at Isa Café in Kanoa Resort, seafood dinner and Sunday brunch for two at World Café in Fiesta Resort & Spa, and a gift certificate from both D&Q International Distributors and Cosmos Distributor Co. Ltd.

Ogumoro also has the opportunity to select a person to attend either the National Domestic Violence and Sexual Violence conference or a retreat with the Joyful Heart Foundation, with the cost sponsored by Delta Air Lines and travel vouchers valued at $750.