Sexy skirts and cold steel

“Best combat rifle in the world,” said a ‘Nam vet over a cold San Miguel in a Garapan bar.

He was telling war stories.

And I was listening since he was buying the brewskis.

And thus I heard yet more lore of the AK-47, the famous rifle that, during the Cold War, rivaled the hammer and sickle for iconic Commie status.

The Cold War ended, but the AK-47 didn’t. That’s the same rifle that Saipan’s Echo company had to face in Iraq recently.

Indeed, the decades come and go, and wars come and go…but the AK-47 never seems to retire.

In fact, the legendary AK-47, which first hit the scene in 1947, is approaching its 60th year of service. Its designer, the no less legendary Mikhail Kalishnikov, is now 86 years old. He must have been some kind of prodigy to design such a famous arm in his mid-20s. Makes me feel like the sorry underachiever that I am…

Mr. Kalishnikov rated Reuters coverage in April, looking spry, confident, and chipper in Russia for a photo-op as he shouldered a newly produced example of his brainchild. He also did a bit of bragging about how good it is.

I’ve never seen a definitive tally on how many AK-47s were produced, but a few tens of millions would seem reasonable. A lot of countries, including China, were stamping them out like crazy for decades. Many still are.

Speaking of China, I can’t shake the television image of the Chinese Women’s Militia on parade during the Hong Kong handover. These breathtakingly gorgeous and tall beauties passed in review in red-skirted uniforms holding folding-stock AK-47s at port arms.

Hubba hubba. Who knew that feminine martial primness and precision could be so alluring? One can’t imagine them being chronic whiners claiming victim status.

I’ll bet that Rosie O’Donnell hates ‘em. Ha!

Anyway, it looks like the world’s remainder of AK-47s wound up in the Middle East.

Whenever you see news footage of Iraqis toting rifles, be they civilians, insurgents, police, militias…kids….grandmothers….that’s the AK-47 you’re seeing. Even in silhouette they’re easy to recognize: Pistol grip in the rear, prominent gas tube above the barrel, and a very distinctively curved magazine seated beneath the affair.

Lots of folks call it simply the “Kalishnikov.”

Call it what you will, but I’ve noticed that many of the guys from the Vietnam war era cultivated a healthy dose of respect for that rifle.

“It’s so simple that a 12-year-old can use the thing, field strip it, and clean it,” the vet told me. “It’ll work when it’s covered in dirt. Or covered in mud. It ain’t all that accurate, but the sucker is dependable.”

The leftist nation of Venezuela, you may recall, received a bit of press when it placed an order for 100,000 AK-47s last year. Last I heard, the deal ground to an ugly halt when it turned out that the Russians were allegedly shipping used, not new, rifles, but I didn’t care enough to see if this story was true. Maybe they placed the order on eBay or something.

Sure, we’ve got more pressing issues to ponder, like the specter of a flat tax in the CNMI, and the never-ending story about Pagan island’s pozzolan, but not even I can tolerate a never-ending dose of economics. Sometimes, a man has to talk military stuff. After all, it’s hard to be an Alpha male in a pencil neck geek world, but if I ever get to meet the Chinese Women’s Militia on a social call, it will all be worth it.

(Ed Stephens Jr. is an economist and columnist for the Saipan Tribune. E-mail him at Ed@SaipanEconomist.com)