Be careful what you wish for

By BRUCE BATEMAN
Special to the Saipan Tribune

So goes the old saying, which goes on to warn that we might actually get our wish.

When we wish for a boost to the obviously stagnant economy of lovely Tinian Island, we can all agree it needs some help. Some of the news recently is heartening and some of it is less so. Let’s take a look.

As an example, when we hear that the Governor and others have managed to attract three or even four new investors into the high-up front-cost casino business, it makes the heart soar. Just thinking about even small, nondescript towns in Nevada and elsewhere with money dripping from their coffers, no or very small taxes, great infrastructure and public works projects, new high-tech schools etc., all from the never-ending gambling fountain, makes the tax man’s mouth water. Mine, too.

Five, count ‘em, five up and running casinos with their attendant resort atmosphere, golf courses and batches of new tourists in a spending frenzy is the kind of thing that pumps a lot of much needed cash into the economy of Tinian and bubbles over into the whole CNMI. If I were a landowner on Tinian I would be salivating about now. Lots of potential to lease long-term to the new casinos and the throng of service and supply businesses that will spring up as well. If I were a businessman on Tinian I would be hatching new ventures as fast as the capital would allow, once the foundations have been poured.

Sometimes, though we can have too much of a good thing. In addition to promoting Tinian as a gambling Mecca (Vatican might be a more PC term around here), we now see a movement to make its economy bulge with military money as well. We have a Nearly Admiral in Guam who wants to expand to Tinian and we have some local folks banging that military money drum for all it’s worth. If I were a landowner on Tinian I would be worried about how much of what the U.S. government leased from us years ago they finally want the use of now. If I were a businessman on Tinian I would be thinking about all the businesses that will need to be in place once the Gyrenes arrive. They will need bars, they will need a laundromat, bars, fast food establishments (better if they also serve alcohol), bars, late night bars, red light bars, libraries (probably not), schools (not that your kids can go to), did I mention bars? Did I mention a new, and much larger, jail? A big courthouse? Dancing girl nightclubs? Bars? If I were the father of a teenage daughter on Tinian I’d be checking for airline reservations.

Any town near a military reservation soon becomes dependent on the funds that overflow from the base and into the local community. Towns near military bases sometimes like the intrusion into their lifestyle and culture and sometimes not. I suggest you drive by the front gate of any base on the planet and see what kind of businesses (monkey and otherwise) are attracted to the vicinity. You would probably not be too happy with what you see. Enlightened, but not too happy.

But hey, wouldn’t those soldiers, sailors, Marines and airmen enhance the cash flow of the casinos? Why yes, I think they would. The term “spends like a drunken sailor” didn’t invent itself. But might it not be better to let those cash-flush GIs come up from Guam for a spending visit rather than have them on hand all the time? Roast pork tastes pretty good, but having the sty right next to the house can be less than pleasant. This is a metaphor; I certainly don’t mean to imply that our troops have curly tails. I do intend to imply that their manners are best described as adolescent-with-hormones-raging. Think red mustang convertible hurtling down the newly paved Broadway Road at 110mph with six crazed late teenagers headed into town to make whoopie.

Well, it took me a long time to get around to it, but here it is. To paraphrase Animal Farm: Gambling good, Marine base bad.

We haven’t even talked about the security issue (bases are nuke magnets) or the closed base PCBs-in-the-ground-who-will-clean-it-up-once-they’ve-gone issue (you can almost hear the sound of dragging feet already). Luckily for you, the reader, those will be subjects for another time.

Bruce A. Bateman writes Sour Grapes when the moon is full and the mood strikes. Stay tuned for each exciting episode of Sour Grapes. Yes, he is opinionated.