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Rules for attending meetings
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Posted on Oct 11 2005
By William H. Stewart
Special to the Saipan Tribune
Parliamentary proceedings and other meetings are often governed by Robert’s Rules of Order. I don’t know Robert’s last name but Bob’s manual for deliberative assembles has been around for a hundred years or so. His much quoted work has been a very helpful tool in bringing order out of chaos and oral anarchy when the great unwashed assemble to discuss pressing issues of the day. However, there are omissions in Bob’s instructions that I intend to correct with the supplement entitled: “Stewart’s Helpful Hints When Attending Meetings,” oft referred to as “SHWAM.” The condensed version of which offers the following counsel.
As background, if you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the Commonwealth has not solved many of the problems associated with CUC, I suspect that one word could sum up the problem and that word is—“meetings.”
Stewart’s Law holds that “If a problem causes many meetings, the meetings eventually become more important than the problem.”
There are several rules that must be adhered to when attending meetings on the islands:
– Never arrive on time, or you will be stamped a beginner.
– Don’t say anything until the meeting is half over, this stamps you as being wise.
– Also, people will believe anything if you whisper.
– Be as vague as possible when presenting your position, this prevents irritating the others. When in doubt, suggest that a subcommittee be appointed.
– Lastly, be the first to move for adjournment, this will make you popular—it’s what everyone will be waiting for.
– Also, use big words whenever possible—even if you can’t spell them. Sesquipedalian words are sure to impress.
Following these few simple rules will assist you when attending the most monotonous and useless of meetings.
(William H. Stewart is a self-proclaimed raconteur.)
