Deviant behaviors

My friend, Dr. Kirk Johnson, teaches a course entitled “Deviant Behaviors” at the University of Guam. I always enjoy talking to Kirk, because, as a sociologist, he does pretty much anything he wants that’s related to people and society, and he gets to call it work. Lucky Kirk. I was expecting this course on “Deviant Behaviors” would be about people outside the norms of society, like serial killers or juvenile delinquents. But Kirk told me that the course was based upon the premise that we all have some kind of deviant behaviors—something we do that makes us feel a little bit crazy or interesting or wild. Sometimes we do these things alone—like dancing on the table at home, or sometimes we do them while interacting with others. These days, simple acts of kindness, like letting someone turn in front of you when you’re driving, can be classified as deviant behaviors.

I realized that deviant behaviors are lots of fun. Here are a couple of mine. My four-year old son, Arman, loves to annoy his six-year old sister, Nava. Almost invariably, when we’re driving in the car, I’ll hear Nava yelling from the back of the van—“Dad! Arman’s copying me!” I used to say something like “Arman, Nava doesn’t seem to like it when you repeat everything that she says. It is annoying her (as if he didn’t know). Please stop.” But as of last week, I have a new response. When Nava says, “Dad! Arman’s copying me,” I just say, “Dad! Arman’s copying me!” Even kids enjoy deviant behavior, especially in their parents.

Another deviant behavior that eventually brings a smile to everyone’s face is that sometimes when I’m having a conversation with my wife, Mara, I’ll decide that whatever she says, my response will rhyme with hers. “Good morning, David, how are you.” “Fine, honey, have you seen the grass covered with dew?” This can go on for quite some time without the other person realizing that you’re rhyming with them. At some point, you’ll start laughing.

A friend recently shared this list of fun “deviant behaviors” with me.

1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN.”

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

6. Don’t use any punctuation.

7. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

8. Specify that your drive-thru order be “to go.”

9. Sing along at the opera.

10. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

11. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their after-work outing because you’re not in the mood.

12. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream, “I won! I won! This is the third time this week!”

Try at least one of these deviant behaviors and add some simple laughs to your day. If you have some ideas you want to share with me, send them along. If we get enough, we’ll publish them in a future column.

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David Khorram, MD is a board certified ophthalmologist, and director of Marianas Eye Institute. Questions and comments are welcome. Call 235-9090 or email eye@vzpacifica.net. Copyright © 2005 David Khorram.