Focus on Education The Healing Balm of Love

After all the reading and the arguing about how to raise children, I finally found a simple message that captures the essence of the secret to raising a child tucked away almost unnoticed in a book .

“The best gift a father can give to his children is to love their mother. And the best gift the mother can give to her children is to love their father.”

When we think about it, what does a child need most from parents? He needs love and understanding. This he needs more than material things. But too often we are too busy to give love and understanding and simply throw toys, money and other objects at the child and expect him to be fulfilled. Then when the child becomes a risk, we wonder why.

When the child sees his mother and father loving and respecting each other, the child understands that he too is loved. As he sees and hears his father speak with respect to the mother or vice versa, he senses love and a feeling of belonging. As the father or mother speak to each other with affection, they also speak to him in the same manner. Acts coupled with kind words speak louder than any lesson we can teach the child.

While the above discussion sounds simplistic, the act of loving and showing respect is at times extremely difficult. So where do we start? Begin by loving yourself. If you can be satisfied with yourself now, if you can love and approve of yourself now, then you can begin to love and accept other people, especially your spouse.

We can’t change other people, so leave them alone. We spend a lot of energy trying to make others different. You can’t learn life for another person. Everyone has to learn his or her particular lessons. All you can do is learn for yourself, and loving yourself is the first step. If you love yourself, you will love others about you.

It takes a lot to make children stop loving their parents, but when they do, it takes even more for them to forgive them. Before that happens, welcome the child into your heart and let him see and know that he is wanted. Let your child know that he is part of the family and the love you share with your spouse.

Tell him: “We love your uniqueness and your specialness. We love you. We want you to grow up to be all that you can be. You don’t have to be like us. You’re so bright and creative. You have blessed us by coming. We love you. We really love you.” And end with a great bear hug. Isn’t that what you wished your mother and father had said to you but