Snow? What’s that?

Here’s the bright idea for the week for a local hotel: put a tropical warmth theme ad in a Korean newspaper. I guarantee the frozen hordes will come flocking to our sun-kissed shores.

How do I know? Because it’s negative 17 outside my Seoul hotel window right now. I don’t know what “17” that is–Celsius, Fahrenheit…Kelvin…Kimchee– but it’s cold enough to freeze the extremities off a brass monkey. At this point, mere scales of measurement are moot. Cold is cold.

The record has set some kind of grim record here, and it’s the stuff of local headlines. The streets are icier than a mean woman’s heart, and cars and trucks with weird nameplates (SssyanHongggFu Motor Company) are sliding into each other with a tangled regularity worthy of a lively orgy.

Meaning, for a hotel marketeer who’s quick on the draw, Korea’s Frozen Chosen would be great candidates for a weekend of sunshine and warmth.

I’d love to be the copywriter for the ads. Suggestions off the top of my frozen little cranium:

“Thaw out here.”

“You’ve been cold and you’ve been warm, and baby, warm is better.”

“Our mercury is higher than the Daewoo building.”

“Snow? What’s that?”

Of course, the way Daewoo company is heading, pretty soon the Koreans will be saying, “Daewoo, what’s that?” but that’s a different story.

I don’t know if big hotels–which are often part of ponderous chains–are quick enough on the draw to dash off a timely little ad campaign. But maybe one of the Davids can scoop the Goliaths and use a dose of quick and creative flair to muscle in some customers.

As an aside, a lot of folks I talk to in Korea are only vaguely aware that Saipan exists. We seem to be known as a second-rate honeymoon destination, which is a definable niche, but I hasten to add that we’re also a WARM destination. They don’t evidently give that much thought, so maybe it’s an angle worth emphasizing….like….now. The thought of escaping this insanely cold city for a mere few hundred bucks must have innate appeal to these frozen folks. If only they knew how close–and toasty–we really are.

As far as I know, Koreans–unlike the Japanese–are still required to get visas to visit the United States (but not Guam), which should put another feather in Saipan’s cap…or another flower in our mwar-mwar.

The mere image of a warm beach would cause half these folks to salivate now, although anyone who does so outside is at extreme peril of having icicles form on his chin. Or her chin. Seoul’s famously elegant and beautiful women are not exactly beacon-light noticeable now, given that everyone is more bundled looking than a fat Michelin man.

Such is my report from the Korean front. Good thing my keyboard is chattering as fast as my teeth are.

Ed Stephens, Jr. is an economist and columnist for the Saipan Tribune. “Ed4Saipan@yahoo.com”