Paging general Haig…

“Power comes from the muzzle of a gun.” I’m operating from murky memory on that, but I think the quote–or the gist of it, anyway–is attributable to that infamous commie strongman. I don’t mean Hillary. I mean Chairman Mao.

Which is a memorable, though invisible, back drop to consider for the electoral nastiness in the United States.

Based either on technicality, or political machinations (take your pick), military absentee ballots in Florida were largely discounted.

Which is but a small point. The bigger points may come in if America gets grid locked in political nastiness and a true crisis erupts. I say “crisis” a bit tongue in cheek, since I won’t lose any sleep over it. But the relative power of the most powerful of forces may become a critical issue, as judicial rulings are pitted against legislative muscle which is all pitted against that old and forgotten document, the constitution.

If the powerful forces start to butt heads, will the military’s mouth be as silent as its ballots were? If the nation fails to legitimately appoint a president by January 20, then who should the generals and admirals recognize as the Commander in Chief? Remember, these guys are sworn to uphold the constitution against “all enemies, foreign and domestic.”

Of course, most of the top military guys are political lap dogs, just Washington suck-butts who want to stay in the good graces of their political bosses. A retirement check is far more sacred than an oath is.

It is possible–or sort of fun to think about–that different organs of the government will recognize, or won’t recognize, different parties as the heir to the throne. In this case, the only party that will really matter will be the military. After all, how many divisions does the Supreme Court have?

And–why not–what if President Clinton decides to stay on a few extra weeks until things are all sorted out? Would the military stand by him then?

If we really want to have a hoot about this and milk it for maximum entertainment value, then we need to ponder a military role. Some general (or, better yet, an admiral, since the Navy is the most distinguished of services) will be saying to the nation at a busting-at-the-seams press conference, “The Joint Chiefs of Staff must explicitly recognize one, and only one, person as the Commander in Chief as of tomorrow, January 20. We are of the opinion that Mr. (fill in the blank) was in the process of being duly elected President until that process was usurped. However, we cannot hold our allegiance in abeyance, and we therefore stand ready to serve President (fill in the blank), without question, as of noon tomorrow.”

Then they can round up all the blue-suited, blow-dried lawyers who descended on Florida like locusts. And shoot them.

Why not? It would make a heck of a story for the six o’clock news, would give us a lot to write about in our columns, and would take my mind off my receding gum line and bulging waist line. Indeed, we can find comfort even in chaos. In these weird times, at least you can find solace in that.

Stephens is an economist with Stephens Corporation, a professional organization in the NMI. His column appears three times a week: Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Mr. Stephens can be contacted via the following e-mail address: ed4Saipan@yahoo.com.