What matters most

When disaster hits, people can lose their home and possessions. They may be hungry, thirsty, and in need of medical assistance, but the cries you might hear are most likely because of the loss of a loved one. During tough times, people recognize that what they need most is their family—they realize what matters most.

This month marks the proclamation of “Parent Leadership Month” by the Governor’s Office. Acting Gov. Tim Villagomez stated, “We should all appreciate the vital role of parents in shaping the character of the children they raise, which has grave implications for the destiny of our communities.”

We are pleased to see the support of our Governor to strengthen families “particularly in this period of economic difficulty,” as stated by Villagomez. We are faced with many new challenges that may not have existed in our own families growing up, but the fundamental principle still remains the same—the family as a unit provides children with values and role models that shape their character.

As parents of seven active children, we understand the day-to-day challenges that test the very core of an individual. In our quest to raise happy, loving, and responsible children, we have tried many programs. Early in our marriage, we agreed that we wanted our children to not only be contributing members of the community, but to be leaders and live in a way that would be an example to others. Well, we didn’t know the power of young wills, and it was much easier said than done.

We read many books on parenting and only a handful have been our “bible” for raising our family. To our surprise, a big help came as consultants to businesses and their management problems. We found some good advice in business books that we adapted to our role as parents. A mission statement is important to a business, so we decided to create a mission statement for our little organization. Some of the books we found most helpful and that generated greater success discussed the importance of principles and values that work in any organization, whether it be a family or business.

We created a set of simple values for our family that would help our children govern themselves and be the basis for good decisions. Just as the three Rs are the foundation of education, we determined that our family values would be based on the three Rs of character: be respectful, responsible, and righteous.

Needless to say, we could not expect them to live by those values without being role models for them. Often we will ask each other in our family council—parents included—if we are being respectful, responsible, and righteous. When there is a squabble between siblings, it is almost always related to violating one or more of the three values.

Which brings us to the second challenge that any parent encounters: How do you motivate your children to live the values? Not knowing a better way, one may turn to negative, coercive threats to control the child’s behavior. This may provide short-term results. A better pattern of behavior as parents or leaders is to use positive directives. Any change we want in our children has to begin with us, which can be an overwhelming challenge.

It takes discipline to be proactive rather than reactive. In other words, dealing with a situation in a controlled and calm matter, rather than losing one’s temper and screaming, can be a challenge. S.W. Bijou, stated, “ Research has shown that the most effective way to reduce problem behavior is to strengthen desirable behavior through positive reinforcement rather than trying to weaken undesirable behavior using aversive or negative processes.”

Once we understand the power of this principle and that the change must come from us as parents, we will have happier, stronger, more productive families and organizations in our community. These principles can be used by teachers, daycare providers, grandparents, aunts, and all who are in a position to influence our youth.

We hope you will remember that what matters most is our relationships with family and friends. The way we choose to live our lives has a direct impact on our families, communities, and nation.

We’ll close with this quote from Russell Ballard: “ It is important to remember that all larger units of society depend on the smallest and most fundamental unit, the family. No matter who or what we are, we help ourselves when we help families.”

(Rik is a business instructor at Northern Marianas College, and Janel is the owner of Positively Outrageous Results. They can be contacted at: biz_results@yahoo.com)