Investors are tastier than road kill

A lot of folks have asked me my opinion of the Commonwealth’s offer of tax incentives to lure in investors. I’m still looking into the issue, basically. It’s not as simple as it looks, because this is just one cog in an intricate economic engine. You can’t consider the cog without figuring how all the other gears and levers are connected to it. Likewise, incentives, free trade zones, and such are most effective when they’re part of an overall economic strategy.

To mangle another analogy, the economic medicine should be applied with a “holistic” outlook….gee all these years in Saipan and I still sound like a Californian. Like, wow.

Let’s keep our eye on the financial ball, though, and not lose sight of the fact that our economic foundation is creakier than an arthritic knee on a full back. Like Snoopy, I judge most things in life by my stomach, and the mere act of trying to scrounge up some lunch here brings to mind the fact that just about everyone has gone out of business.

Taking a stroll to my neighborhood market for some vittles to cook up ain’t going to work, either: the place closed down a few months ago.

So, if you see some guy on As Lito road fighting with boonie dogs over the choice pieces of road kill carrion, you’ll know it’s me. Just honk if you love the Tribune.

Will honking our economic horn to the world attract some financial action? Hopefully it will, but I hope as well that the existing base of businesses isn’t cast aside like the plain first wife of a newly made millionaire.

Which brings to mind this practical tip I’d like to offer: If you’re on your first marriage, always refer to your wife–in her presence–as your “first wife.” This keeps complacency from setting in. These kind of brilliant strategies are what enabled me to build such a famously harmonious domestic life.

Harmony in the Commonwealth’s business and government marriage, though, isn’t foregone here. Do they merely aim to raise new businesses out of the ashes of failed ones? Is this some kind of economic Phoenix? I’ve been to Phoenix, and, believe me, that horrible city is enough to discredit any concept associated with the word. No, the Commonwealth would be well advised not to let the economic house burn down any further, and to view new investments as an addition to, not a replacement for, existing commerce.

Alternatively, we could just all throw in the towel and apply for food stamps. Judging from all the shiny, $30,000 four wheel luxury trucks I see parked outside of the distribution offices, I’d say it’s a dandy idea.

Until they mail me a food stamp application, though, I’ll just keep trawling for road kill. The Commonwealth, meanwhile, will trawl for investors. Let’s just hope there’s an economy for them to invest in if they decide to give us the benefit of the doubt.

Stephens is an economist with Stephens Corporation, a professional organization in the NMI. His column appears three times a week: Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Mr. Stephens can be contacted via the following e-mail address: ed4Saipan@yahoo.com.