Family Symposium Parenting in the new millennium

While admitting there are no hard and fast rules to the job of parenting, family therapist Peggy North-Jones introduced to local audiences over the weekend well-researched formulas that could empower modern day parents mold confident and competent children in the new millennium.

This, after the St. Louis-based family education consultant alerted parents during the weekend’s parenting symposium of the downhill direction 21st century families are taking in the upbringing of children.

“I am very passionate about what I believe in. And I believe we are in big trouble. Our children are in trouble, our families are in trouble, we need to do something right now,” the expert warned.

More than 250 parents who attended the two-day Focusing on the Family symposium took Ms. North-Jones’ words in stride, as the seasoned psychotherapist related her own family experiences as well as her professional encounters with struggling American families.

For local parents, Ms. North-Jones’ recipe to creating a well-brought up child is knowledge they already have stored at the back of their minds.

“We knew about this all along. But it took an expert like Ms. Peggy North-Jones to reinforce what we should be doing, to become better parents. I wish more CNMI parents would learn about this,” said Education Commissioner Rita H. Inos after listening to a full hour of Ms North-Jones’ keynote address Friday.

The visiting expert enumerated four main problem areas for most American families in the 90’s.

First, parents have developed the habit of talking too much. Too much chatter, according to the psychotherapist, has taught children that everything is negotiable.

In so doing, parents, without knowing it, instill in their children what therapists call “parental deafness” where children learn that they never have to listen to what their parents say the first time.

“Teaching children to understand “no” the first time is a valuable life lesson that does not harm them,” she said.

Second, parents have become too busy. The busier families become, the less time they spend at home together sharing family values and beliefs, the expert said.

According to Ms. North-Jones, studies have shown that the smartest high school students in America eat meals with their families at least four times a day.

“Parents have downplayed the aspect of quality time together. When children hear how busy you are, they realize how far they are in your priority list,” the therapist told parents at Friday’s session.

Third, parents have stopped teaching their children how to work hard and deal with boredom.

“We have raised a generation of children who feel that entertainment is a birthright,” she stated.

She added that children have been given less responsibilities and are granted more rights than any other time. Ms. North-Jones also noted that creativity and sense of accomplishment are decreasing in today’s children.

Fourth, parents have often failed to be in charge. The absence of house rules has added fuel to the increasing problems besetting families today.

“Young children are clueless about what is best for their development. Parents cannot afford to raise children in a democracy. Children want structure and discipline. It is okay for parents not to be liked everyday. They probably are doing their job if they do not hear that they are a “mean mom or dad” occasionally,” explained Ms. North-Jones.

After laying down the four predominant concerns associated to 90’s parenting, Ms. North-Jones advised parents to counter the problems by employing parenting methods opposite to what has been typically followed over the years.

Ergo, that parents stop talking so much, slow down on the busy schedules, teach children to work hard, allow children experience boredom once in a while, be in charge, eat together, set a bedtime, and make them follow house rules.

Ms. North-Jones also encouraged parents to use humor on their kids. “Kids love humorous parents, who are fun to be around. Wonderful memories come from the fun, carefree moments families spend together or the laughter that sometimes develops when they are together. Creative, unpredictable parents keep kids on their toes and make families fun,” she said.

The parenting symposium held at the Dai-Ichi Hotel was a project spearheaded by the Child and Family Services State Plan Committee, a fusion of social services-oriented agencies.

The birth of the organization was spawned by the staggering increase in almost every negative family indicators (child physical neglect, child physical abuse, child sexual abuse, child emotional abuse, and juvenile delinquency cases) from the early 1900s through 1997.

From 1997 onwards, there has been a corresponding decrease in almost every negative family indicator tracked, according to the group.

Records reveal that child physical neglect is down by 57 percent, child physical abuse is down by 50 percent, child sexual abuse is down by 56 percent, and and child emotional abuse is down by 76 percent.