Questions to discuss with your children

Part II

Caring:

4 to 8 years: One of your friends never gets any dessert in his lunch box and always asks you to share your cookies. What do you do?

9 to 12 years: Your youth leader asks you not to go “trick or treating” this Halloween. Instead, you are asked to go from house to house asking for donations to help build the new youth center. What do you do?

Teenagers: A six-year-old child in your community was in a terrible car accident. The medical bills are much more than the family can afford. You don’t know the child or the family, but the hospital announces that teenagers in the community can help pay off the bills by working at the hospital every Saturday or Sunday morning for the next two months- helping to clean up the grounds and weed the garden. It will be hard, dirty work, and you must commit yourself for eight Saturdays or Sundays in a row-no absences are allowed. Do you do it? Why? Why not?

Gratitude:

4 to 8 years: Your friend tells you that his family never celebrates Thanksgiving and wonders why your family celebrates this holiday. What do you say?

9 to 12 years: You are on a field trip, and you just found out that a few of the kids have brought along their pocket knives and are planning to carve their names in a tree. Do you tell the teacher? Why? Why not? What do you say to your classmates?

Teenagers: Your principal refuses to institute a recycling program at your school. She says it will take up too much of the staff’s time, and takes up too much storage space. She also says that the program will not provide enough money to the school to make all the effort worthwhile. You think recycling is a good idea. You are given five minutes to make your case to the principal that the school should start the recycling program. What do you say? If she still refuses, what do you do?

The above questions have been borrowed from Wayne Dosick’s wonderful book Golden Rules that discusses many other topics for parents and children. Unless we create time to relate with our children now, they will have grown up, and we will have lost them without realizing why.

I have four children: a 43 year old daughter, a 41 years old son, a 4 year old son, and a 20 months old son. When my first two children were small, I was too busy making a living and doing my own thing. As a result, I missed much of their childhood. My daughter is very close to me but only recently. My oldest son is quite distant. Though we communicate occasionally, the intimacy is not there.

God has blessed me with a second chance at being a loving parent by presenting me with a four year old boy and an adopted 20 months old boy. This time around I am making the time to shower love and attention on them. It is we parents who give children values, a sense of morality, and ethical standards.

In the early 1950’s, students had to face the following five major problems: talking out of turn, chewing gum, making noise, running in the hall, and cutting in line. In the year 2,000, the problems have shifted: drug and alcohol use, guns and knives in school, pregnancy, suicide and rape.

Before it is too late, give the eternal gifts of moral decency and ethical goodness by teaching them to your children and be a role model for them! But most of all–give yourself!

Strictly a personal view. Anthony Pellegrino writes every Monday and Tuesday. Mr. Pellegrino can be reached at tonypell@saipan.com