Tidings from near and far

Diving v. Snorkeling: In his debut speech, Sen. Sixto Igisomar candidly said the NMI is below water, financially or fiscally. He wants to work with leadership to bring it up to “snorkeling” level. Not quite so fast, sir. We’d be at the drowning level for many moons to come. Obligations for the next decade are over $12 billion.

Per glaring red figures, insightful intuition says we’re headed into a dimension in fiscal crisis way beyond what meets the eye. You could spin it to deflect the truth but it would be all wax—shiny but no depth—at all. The fiscal temblor gets louder by the day. Dive deeper, Sixto!

Tiptoeing: It is rumored that Lt. Gov. Ralph Torres and House Speaker Joseph Leon Guerrero would be retained to teach the guys and gals how to do the “Chamber Tiptoe” fire dance. Their job is to move in stealth fashion any controversial legislation that runs against the grain of the wishes of “we the people.” Senate President Victor Hocog wants in on the deal too. Would Hocog and Guerrero ever learn that their jobs are down here, not up there next to the pilot’s cockpit? Hallooo?

Fiscal Rumblings: A seismologist has been also hired to teach the elected elite how to steer clear of the dangers of fiscal tectonic rumblings downstairs.

They were told to deliver more speeches glorifying the economic mess at home. You see, this is the indigenous way of resolving difficult issues—more talk mired in uncertainty—dumb it down!

Call it indigenous resiliency. I’m beginning to fall for this BS too!

Is Santa Coming? Our simple folks have decided to kick back and wait for Santa’s arrival this November when another 10 silvers would be handed CUC for utility vouchers. Gee! Like I said, I’m beginning to like the unexpected BS and generosity of Asia’s Santa!

But what if Santa terminates the new Annual Christmas Drop? The Transition Team would be revived to start building bamboo reed airplanes so we begin practicing airdrops by summer. Would there be moola for the airdrop or just tañgantañgan seeds?

Embarrassing Word: Nursing bouts with failed ambition to return to glory, Juan N. Babauta and Edward Deleon Guerrero were seen ordering a dictionary that excludes the word “principle.” But the duo has settled for “principal” which opens some room to maneuver in and out of political prostitution.

Leadership Scarcity: Rota isn’t suffering from the lack of goods as much as drowning interminably in joblessness! So what good would 10 40-foot containers do when people don’t have the money to buy basic needs? Why sleepwalk this growing beast? Leadership, anybody? Or are they taking long lunches, again?

Planning, anybody? With a mandate to rid the NMI of foreign workers in five years time, how would the guys and gals find warm bodies for the construction and staffing of the Saipan casino?

Again, it’s a demonstration of our newfound toy in “advancing to the rear.” It’s problematic and it happens when one fails to do “due diligence.” The color and hue of sunrise now begins turning reddish like a rainbow of colors at sunset.

Verbal Calisthenics: Magoo mentioned single Chamorro words that all must learn especially when you’re boasting your new Sears Roebuck and JC Penny ties upstairs. They are “Oi`”, “Ai”, “Magpu`” and “Dalai”.

“Oi`” is a short cut used when knocking on somebody’s door. You say “oi`” as you knock the door in hopes someone answers. Most folks upstairs need some rude lessons in the use of this word for the next two years.

“Ai” is an expression of a serious sigh when something’s gone wrong. It’s a word the hill cabal must steer clear at all cost. After all, you’re blessed with a head on your shoulders with eyes, ears, nose, and mouth to use appropriately in the honest disposition of matters of state.

“Magpu`” simply means it’s done successfully or unsuccessfully. If you use it by any chance crashing into the latter, it simply means leave the scene of the crime!

“Dalai” is basically an inquisition when appalled or stunned by purposeful negligence. If you ever use this word you’re in for lots of unpleasant surprises.

Now if you think you could navigate the combined use of these terms, consult the physician from As Gonno for the right diagnosis. You’ve killed a two-headed corn snake that keeps returning in spring. This is because you didn’t get rid of the other head. Thus the crawler still moves, especially during rainy days.