Father’s Day surprise

I’ve always taken it as a compliment when people comment about how old I look—aged beyond my years so to speak—so I’m never bothered when people ask how much older I am than my oldest brother (who is at least five years my senior) and I found it hilarious when a store cashier asked if my little brother (who’s not too much younger than me) was my son. It’s pretty funny, if you think about it and put yourself in my shoes. Still, I have to admit that I was a little rattled recently when someone saw me walking around with my infant baby and asked, “Is that your gran…?” Holy mackerel! I really am an old fart. For that brief moment I actually thought maybe I should start dyeing my hair or shopping for a new, more hip wardrobe and maybe even buying a cell phone so I could walk around texting or face-booking all the people next to me. But then, my baby flashed her wet, gummy smile at me and, like magic, I forgot about myself again.

Fatherhood is the hardest job I’ve ever loved; in fact, it’s the hardest job I’ve ever had—talk about taking work home with you. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t always feel like a job. The rewards always outweigh the sacrifices and, unlike a regular job, the more you work at it the less money you make. It is a job nonetheless and, like most things, it’s really only as good as you make it. Anyone can be a father but it takes determination, perseverance and hard work to be a dad. There is no one-size-fits-all manual on how to be the perfect dad and success is relative. Ultimately, the type of parent we become or whether we become a parent at all is a choice and we are all entitled to make our own choices. Sadly, it’s the kids (while they’re still kids and prior) who have no choices in the matter.

A member of our family was sharing with us her sense of joy about having attended her niece’s high school graduation. “She wasn’t suppose to live that long,” she said. Apparently, at conception her biological mother had tried to abort, but failed and instead of killing the unborn child, she gave birth to a baby with severe disabilities due to the abortion attempts. Adding insult to injury, the mother abandoned the child as she was receiving medical care and, given the opportunity later in life, refused to take her in because she is severely disabled and requires “too much care”—just one more in a lifetime of selfish choices; I don’t know where the father is in all of this. As difficult as it is to raise any child, the prospect of raising one with a disability (particularly one with a severe disability) is no doubt daunting and requires an extraordinary kind of man and/or woman to do so. For the record, there are plenty of such men and women here in the CNMI. What is clear from all my years of working with families, including those with children who have disabilities, are (1) children need love, affection and regular attention no matter who they are, (2) parents and other family members who care are the greatest, most effective advocates for them because they don’t settle for anything less than the absolute best that they can do for their kids, and (3) given both of the above, a child can and will achieve any number of milestones regardless of how severely disabled she may be.

Father time’s been a little rough, but Lady Luck is kind and on my side—three kids and counting, a special kind of Father’s Day surprise. Kids are the best thing going, but they’re not easy and the jury is still out on how mine will end up. So I’m exhausted, broke, and generally on edge, but that’s my choice and I have the absolute, inalienable right to make my own. You could say I’m pro-choice, but personally I have and always will choose life.

Hopefully many more years from now, I actually will have and find as much joy in having my very own “Gran…”

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P.S.: The continuing nightmare of the two missing girls weighs heavily on me and my family as I know it does on the rest of the community. As a committed parent, I really can’t imagine the level of pain and suffering this must be causing the parents and other family members. On behalf of all of us at NMPASI, please allow me to extend our most sincere hopes and prayers that we may all witness only the best possible outcome for the kids, parents and other family members.]

For more information on the rights of and choices for people with disabilities, please feel free to come by the NMPASI office and meet with our staff or contact us at (670) 235-7273/4 [voice] / 235-7275 [fax] / 235-7278 [tty] and/or via the internet at www.nmpasi.com.

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