‘I have a dream’

President-elect Barack Obama went on Monday Night Football last weekend publicly, and loudly, advocating a college football playoff. Hooray!

Normally I would not endorse the government getting involved in sports this way, but since President Bush authorized torture and secret prisons and the government moved toward socialism by buying into the stock market, I guess Obama’s foray into the sports world with common sense does not seem so bad by comparison.

In the spirit of the late Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I have a dream” speech, here are my dreams of what I would do if I was president. I mean, if Obama got elected, then we all have a chance, right?

The best thing Bush did during his two terms was have tee-ball games for kids in the White House back yard.

I would continue that and build an outdoor basketball half-court for the first ever 3 on 3 Presidential Challenge. It would be a game with me, Kevin Garnett and Lebron James versus Danny DeVito, Henry Kissinger and Willie Nelson. First team to score 200 wins. Hey, I want to win.

I would use my vast executive powers to re-insert the asterisk for all MLB home run records set between 1995-2006. Either that, or get a large bottle of white-out and erase them.

Enlisting the help of the CIA, I would slip disguised and incognito into any sporting event that I wanted to attend. My bodyguards would be dressed like Vincent and Jules in Pulp Fiction, you know, e.g. University of Santa Barbara Banana Slugs t-shirt with plaid shorts.

I would take the Oklahoma City Thunder and return them to Seattle to be the Sonics just for Richard Pierce’s sake. And then move the NBA All-Star game to the Marianas High School gym.

After the college football season is over, I would take Air Force One to Gainesville, Florida, pick up Tim Tebow and fly him to the Philippines for him to do his missionary work, and stay there with him until he says he’s ready to go back.

I would take swimming lessons from Michael Phelps.

Invitations to go to the White House would not only be extended to every team that wins a championship, but also to Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, Yogi Berra, Sandy Koufax, Tiger Woods, John Elway, Emmitt Smith, and Danny Wuerrfel.

Banned from within 1,000 feet of the White House would be Barry Bonds, Terrell Owens, Raphael Palmeiro, Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Nick Saban, Roger Clemens, and O.J. Simpson.

I would invite Halle Berry to dinner every weekend. Okay, I know that does not have anything to do with sports, but I can dream, can’t I?

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